Why Reality Isn’t Real--and What That Means for Your Growth
One constant in life is the truth, but only if you understand that it is split in thirds.
One-third is your truth. The next third is my truth. Finally, we have the truth, immutable and constant. Throughout our interactions and relationships, we will fall in and out of our truth, and maybe take on someone else’s. That’s because you don’t see reality. You see your version of it.
Two people can live the same day and walk away with two completely different stories.
One sees proof that the world is against them. The other sees a challenge worth mastering.
Same facts. Different filters. That’s the paradox: we don’t experience reality directly, we experience our interpretation of it. Your brain isn’t showing you what is, it’s showing you what you expect to see, what you’ve often been taught to see.
And the longer you live inside that lens, the more it solidifies. The more it becomes your identity. You stop noticing what doesn’t fit the narrative. The invisible becomes irrelevant.
That’s precisely how perception quietly becomes destiny.
But here’s the twist--the lens doesn’t just shape reality. Reality pushes back and reshapes the lens.
The Lens Effect
Perception isn’t passive. It’s a construction project.
If you walk around believing people don’t care about your work, you’ll subconsciously confirm it: you’ll notice every silence and miss every compliment.
On the contrary, if you believe “no one reads newsletters anymore,” your writing will sound hesitant, like you’re apologizing for existing--and readers will sense it.
That’s not metaphysical. It’s mechanical.
Your belief determine your attention, and your attention determines your results.
The lens you look through filters out what doesn’t fit. A confident creator sees opportunity in feedback. A fearful one sees rejection in curiosity. What you focus on expands. Your lens decides the story you tell yourself--and the story you tell becomes your life.
I’ve been guilty of this my whole life up until the last three or so years.
I’ve been very adamant on not letting my attention or my subconscious be subject to mediocre thoughts.
And thus, the story doesn’t stay still for long. Every interaction, win, and loss is a vote--and those votes slowly rewrite your worldview.
The more I saw myself as someone who could write well, code with confidence, and learn with absolute efficiency all of those things became true.
It didn’t happen over night, but it did happen.
The Feedback Loop
Reality isn’t neutral. It keeps score.
When you publish your first essay and nobody reads it, the world gives you feedback. Maybe you tell yourself, I’m not cut out for this. That belief starts shaping how you write the next one.
When your post finally hits--comments, shares, new subscribers--that’s feedback too.
Suddenly, your perception of what’s possible expands.
You feel momentum. You start taking bigger swings.
That’s the loop:
Perception -> Action -> Feedback -> New Perception.
Every loop either reinforces the old lens or updates it. If you’re not aware of it, you’ll live in reactive mode--letting results dictate your confidence. If you are aware, you can intervene--using feedback as information, not identity.
The loop never stops running. The only question is whether you’re steering it.
Breaking (and Rebuilding) the Loop
Here’s how to turn the paradox into power.
Notice the filter. Ask: “What assumption is guiding my view right now?” Write it down. Make it explicit because you can’t update a belief you can’t see.
Gather new Data. Challenge the assumption with action. If you believe “no one wants to read long essays,” publish one anyway--and track the results. If you believe “I’m not consistent,” schedule a post for the next five mornings and prove yourself wrong.
Re-Perceive. Look at the evidence objectively. Don’t cherry pick what confirms your old story. Let the data reshape your map of reality.
When you start doing this, perception becomes a tool--not a trap.
Creative people don’t wait for reality to validate their vision. They use perception to shape the future they want, while staying humble enough to let reality refine it.
That’s how growth actually works.
Not through affirmations and blind optimism--but through an active partnership between how you see and what you do.
The Freedom in Seeing Clearly
When you understand this paradox, everything changes.
You stop taking results personally. You stop fighting what is. You start seeing what could be. The world is both a mirror and mold. It reflects your beliefs back to you--and gives you raw material to reshape them.
Your job isn’t to find the “truth.” It’s to refine the lens so you can navigate reality more accurately.
The clearer your perception, the more intentional your actions.
The more intentional your actions, the more aligned your reality becomes. That’s how the loop turns from a cage into a flywheel.
P.S.
If you’re a creative trying to understand your own contradictions--the way your ambitions and emotions pull in opposite directions--you’ll love my ebooks.
Clarity & Direction for Independent Creatives
The 10-Hour Skill Accelerator
What really stood out to me today was the idea that reality isn’t something we see, it’s something we interpret. That’s been true in my own life, especially when I look back at the situations that once felt like failures or rejections. I realize now that half the pain came from the story I told myself about what those moments meant. I’ve been trying to be more aware of the lens I’m using, especially when it comes to my creative work and the goals I’m building toward with my X page. When something doesn’t land right away…whether it’s a post, an idea, or a direction I’m experimenting with I remind myself it’s just data, not a verdict. Thank you Idris for such a thought provoking read and for giving me tools to be more intentional and aligned!
I’ve noticed how my own lens influences what I model for my daughter. I’ve realized how much of my “reality” is filtered through old stories about what being a good mom means, about how my daughter “should” behave, about how progress is supposed to look. When I believe the world’s kind, I point out kindness. When I believe it’s harsh, I warn her constantly. This made me stop and ask what lens am I handing down to her. I want to teach her to see possibility, not fear. Thank you Idris Elijah for helping me see how freeing it can be to focus less on control and more on curiosity!