3 Hard Truths I Faced After Becoming Self-Aware
Once you're self-aware, you can never go back to ignorance.
You start to see things you never saw before. How you spend more time on your phone than talking to your spouse. The effect working late and never going out has on you and the people around you.
The way that one colleague talks to you, like you're in competition and they're winning.
You start to re-evaluate your relationships and environments.
Taking no shit from anyone who dares to step up and disrespect you. You begin to acquire a little self-respect. Then you start having the same high expectations you have for yourself for other people.
You quickly learn that's a recipe for disaster.
Best to go about it with a hybrid approach.
Have little expectations of others, but have higher standards for the people you allow into your life.
That's what it's often like.
When you become self-aware.
Your whole world changes, and you notice a lot more. There are so many benefits, but there are an equal number of disadvantages.
Before I became self-aware, there were three things I wish I knew.
People Can Only Meet You As Far As They Have Met Themselves
The more you learn about yourself and become the version of you that has the things you want, the more you know about the people around you.
Therefore, people can only meet you as far as they have met themselves.
You can't expect everyone you come across to be as well developed as you have become. It takes a lot of effort, and a level of self-awareness that generally people don't have.
So the best way to avoid disappointment from others is to quickly ascertain which level of awareness they have (awareness of distraction, emotions, and/or blind spots) and treat them appropriately.
Communication becomes a lot easier when you know where someone is--for better or worse.
Knowing your audience is a surefire way to get ahead.
Self-Awareness Is A Life-Long Journey
Acquiring self-awareness isn't like most other skills.
There's no ceiling, and you'll be learning the rest of your long life. In a similar way that people change with experience, so will you. Around every corner will be things you weren't prepared for--like losing an 18-year friendship because you'd evolved out of the relationship.
You'll live every day learning not only about yourself, but others.
It's a journey that not many people get to go on.
If you're reading this, then you're meant to do great things. The world is run by people who have accepted their truth and still manage to get up in the morning.
Being self-aware doesn't make you perfect or superior to the not self-aware. You are just more prepared.
You'll Experience A Lot Of Unresolved Regret From Your Past
The things you said, the things you didn't do.
They will, at some point, all come rushing back as moments you'll never get to redo because you're no longer that person, and you are self-aware.
There was someone I really cared about, looking back, and I not only broke a promise, but I also broke things off. I wasn't self-aware then. I didn't know what I was running from was a real love. A love that doesn't come often enough.
A decade later, and we are still not in each other's lives--a year and a half ago, he lost his life.
All because I wasn't aware of my own thoughts and feelings.
During that time, I should've broken things off with my at-the-time best friend and leaned into that budding relationship.
But I wouldn't be the person I am today if it weren't for those failures.
You'll have to come to similar conclusions yourself.
But they will come and go until you forgive yourself.
Once you forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know. You can do better. You can be present by making peace with the past versions of you that didn't live up to your expectations.
Quick Recap: 3 Hard Truths
People Can Only Meet You As Far As They Have Met Themselves
Self-Awareness Is A Life-Long Journey
You'll Experience A Lot Of Unresolved Regret From Your Past
Remember these hard truths, and when you encounter them, you know to either: 1) ascertain what level of awareness someone has, and treat them accordingly, have little to no expectations, but high standards for who you let into your life. 2) Realize you will change and grow; there will always be things you can improve at in your pursuits. 3)Learn to forgive yourself for the things you didn't know, and do better knowing more of what you didn't know.
Self-awareness doesn’t make life easier—but it makes it yours. And that’s worth everything.
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You really showed how self-awareness can open your eyes but also break your heart a little. I experienced this with my daughter’s father. It was exactly like you said, he could only meet me as far as he had met himself. And it turns out that wasn’t far enough. It was painful to have that realization but it saved me so much heartache in the long run. You did a great job of showing how healing doesn’t erase pain but it teaches you how to carry it differently so you can become better for yourself. I needed to be reminded of this today. Thank you Idris Elijah!
You did a great job of showing how self-evolution can be lonely at times but so worth it if you’re willing to put in the work. Self-awareness and personal growth are emotionally complex. You helped me see that it’s so much more than having breakthroughs. Sometimes it’s about grief, change and letting go. And it’s a lifelong journey too. Thank you for putting these truths into words. Well done Idris!