Stop Relying On Willpower To Build New Habits--Do This Instead

Most people rely on willpower to build habits, and that’s why they fail.
When seeking self-excellence, we know it's an art won by training and habituation.
Our habits combined define a consequential image of our present person. Good or bad, our habits are who we are. So, efficiently taking control of them will lead to self-excellence.
On the journey, many people might start reaching for the stars, and generally having an idea of what they want while moving about.
Many quit after a single roadblock.
It would then make sense to assume that they based everything on outcomes. The amount of weight they lost. The mileage of their last run.
All of this requires a high degree of willpower.
Willpower is a finite resource. It can only take you so far before you have to recharge and start again. If you start again.
It's not that we don't know what we should be doing; we just don't know an efficient and realistic path forward to self-excellence.
That's where the 5 Steps to Build Lasting Habits and Break Bad Ones eBook and paid article come into play. When you enroll in the Personal Development Masterclass, you get access to this resources and more. Check it out here.
Otherwise, there is one thing you could change that would set you right.
Start Small and Specific
There's no need to eat the whole elephant in one bite.
You're not on some ticking clock that requires you to finish. You can take your time by starting small and specific. Take the habit you want to form, and reduce it to its simplest form. Think something you could do in 2 minutes.
You also want to be specific.
So, instead of saying, "I want to lose weight," you might say, "I want to lose 20 pounds in six months."
This type of specificity comes from the SMART Goal framework. You want to set goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound.
Take the habit you want to form, reduce it to its simplest form, and do the habit as often as you can. Regularity is key here. You don't have to be perfect, but still do your best to stay consistent.
Do this for a few weeks, and increase the difficulty. Do more than five pushups, read more than one page.
Bonus Tip #1: Focus On Identity, Not Outcomes
Instead of saying, "I need to lose weight," reframe the situation as "I'm the type of person who exercises daily."
When I first started writing daily, I reframed the habit from "I need to write daily" to "I'm the type of person who writes daily because I am a writer."
So, the most critical takeaway is to align your actions with those of the person you want to become.
Don't focus too much on the outcome; doing so will destroy all the work you've done so far.
I always say you have to do the thing that your future self does to be that person. Before you know it, you'll become that person without realizing it.
Bonus Tip #2: Stack Habits For Momentum
Habit stacking should be studied as one of the world's wonders, next to compound interest.
Habit stacking, as mentioned earlier, is when you tie a new habit with an existing one.
For example, this could include brushing and flossing one tooth at first.
Reading and writing have been powerful combinations for me. They go together like peanut butter and jelly, so it makes sense to me.
Find similar ways in your life to stack habits to elevate yourself to excellence.
Quick Recap: Stop Relying On Willpower To Build New Habits
When you start small and specific, you're not relying on willpower, you're doing the very thing the person you want to become is doing.
When you focus on identity instead of outcomes, the sooner you become the person you've always wanted to be.
Habit stacking is a very powerful tool. When used to make the process intuitive and enjoyable, you begin to reach the heights of excellence people talk about.
Pick a habit, start small and specific, and see where it takes you. You'll become the person who does the things they say they will do.
P.S.
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I’ve been working on building better self-care habits and your breakdown makes so much sense. I used to think I just needed to try harder. More willpower. More grit. But that always burned me out! Starting small and focusing on identity instead of outcomes is a great idea. Now it’s not “I should take care of myself,” it will be “I’m the kind of person who does.” Your writing makes it feel doable and even a little fun, which is rare with this kind of advice. I love how clear and encouraging your newsletters are. They are becoming part of my daily routine in the best way. Thank you Idris Elijah!
This really hit home Idris. I’ve been trying to clean up my eating habits and I used to rely on willpower, which always ended in a chocolate ice cream meltdown (literally). But I took your advice and started small by replacing the ice cream and mashed potatoes with Greek yogurt and hummus. And somehow, I’ve stuck with it for over a month! I’m feeling better, seeing results and it’s actually not a struggle. Your point about focusing on identity instead of outcomes really clicked for me. The way you laid this out makes it feel like I can actually make lasting change without fighting myself every step of the way. I appreciate your solid advice and the way you make it all so relatable!