Why Goals Don’t Work--And What to Do Instead

Photo by Hermann Wittekopf - kmkb on Unsplash

I spent years chasing goals--until I became the Apple Guy. That’s when I realized I hated the person I had become.

Forget your goals for a second--who are you becoming?

Most people treat goals like GPS directions to a better life. But here's the problem: even if you reach the destination, you might not become the kind of person who can stay there.

Goals can give you a target, but identity determines whether you show up when it's hard, boring, or inconvenient.

If you want lasting change, stop asking "What do I want to achieve?" and start asking, "Who am I choosing to be?"

When I made the shift from goal-focused to identity-focused, everything changed for the better. I went from being strictly known as the Apple Guy to becoming a polymath. Someone who isn't limited by a specialization.

I've done and continue to do all the things I wanted to do as a child. In that vein, I became exactly who I dreamed of, but the party isn't over yet, as you will soon learn.

When I made the realization that my goals weren't enough, it took me several years to learn what I am about to share with you.

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1) Identity Drives Consistency

When you align your actions with who you believe you are, it's easier to stay consistent.

Saying "I'm a runner" makes it easier to run regularly than saying "I want to run three times a week."

You're not forcing yourself to act--you're simply being yourself.

When I restarted my writing journey over a year ago, I didn't know what I was going to write. All I knew was I wanted to write again. I wanted to be a writer. So I started to write.

The same goes for all of my "skills."

Because I am a writer, I am a singer-songwriter/Producer, software engineer, and a budding entrepreneur.

Why?

I regularly partake in activities that those with these titles also do. I am that person, which makes the doing so much easier.

2) Goals Have Endpoints. Identity Evolves.

Goals are finite. Once you achieve them, what happens?

You might stop doing the behavior.

But if your identity changes, the behavior continues long-term.

A goal is something like, "I want to lose 10 pounds." Whereas an identity would be, "I'm someone who values a healthy lifestyle."

When I set out to work in Apple Retail, I had a goal in mind. I didn't once think about the implications for my identity. For a while, I loved being known as the Apple Guy, until I didn't.

After my first year at Apple, I realized I didn't have another goal in mind. Sure, I wanted to be a Genius, but I didn't know who I wanted to be, and that messed with my head. I honestly panicked. Two years later, I quit after having put in so much effort to land a gig at Apple.

Some might see it as a failure.

I see it as my awakening.

I no longer wanted to be cornered as the Apple Guy when I was out and about. I want to be known for more than my passion for Apple. I want to be known for all the things that bring me joy.

At that point in my life, I was at an endpoint with nowhere to go (so I thought).

As a result of this awakening, I began to build up my identity, which continues to evolve.

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3) Identity Anchors Behavior In Purpose

When you build habits based on identity, you're not just chasing outcomes--you're aligning with your values.

That gives actions deeper meaning and makes discipline feel less like punishment.

What we want most in life is purpose.

There's no worse feeling than feeling lost for a long period (I know all too well).

As I was building up habits based on my identity, I somehow stumbled across my purpose. The many things that bring me joy, and what I hope will positively affect the people who stumble across my work.

We all want to find deeper meaning in life. By focusing on your identity and who you want to become, you will find the deeper meaning you seek.

It won't come easily, but it is totally possible if you make the shift and have your own awakening.

4) Failure Doesn't Break You

With goals, failure often feels like a dead end. But with identity, a missed workout doesn't mean failure--it's just something "out of character."

That framing makes it easier to bounce back.

I'm not perfect and I don't know everything. I make mistakes every single day. I forget to read, sometimes I don't feel like writing, and more often than not, I don't follow a set schedule. I go with the flow of things.

However, I am regular.

I make sure to write my two newsletters every week. Some days I only read a page of a book, but I read. Sometimes, a few days will go by where I don't code, and I make sure to do so at least twice a week.

As you can tell, I don't beat myself up when I miss a day, because I'm not a robot, and failure only sticks when you completely give up on your goals and your future self.

5) You Become The Kind Of Person Who...

Every action is a vote for the type of person you want to be.

Instead of:

"I want to write a book."

Try:

"I'm a writer who shows up regularly."

You become what you do.

I am who I am because of the things I do regularly, and no one can take that away from me.

The same can be said for you. Become the kind of person who does the things you want to do. The things you want to be known for. Otherwise, you wouldn't have the dreams you have.

Think about that.

Quick Recap: Start becoming someone

1. Identity Drives Consistency

2. Goals Have Endpoints. Identity Evolves.

3. Identity Anchors Behavior In Purpose

4. Failure Doesn't Break You

5. You Become The Kind Of Person Who...

Remember:

Goals are useful for direction.

Identity creates traction.

When your identity shifts, your behavior follows. That's when real transformation happens.

So...who are you becoming?

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P.S.

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